It is our Light, not our Darkness that most frightens us

I received the most adorable pair of boots for my birthday this year and I wear them all the time. Why is this important enough for a blog post? I'm six foot tall and my boots have heels on them. I've always gotten comments about my height, especially when I was younger. Apparently, because I don't have a Y- Chromosome, I shouldn't surpass 5'9''. Sorry boys. Seeing as I already have a height advantage on most men my age, I get even more comments when I wear my heels. What do I have to say in response? Catch Up.

I like wearing heels. They improve my posture, give me confidence and they make my butt look fantastic - why should I be depraved this feminine joy?

When I think about this issue it brings to mind a popular excerpt from the book 'Return to Love' by Marianne Williamson ( http://www.squidoo.com/our_deepest_fear ). "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you." Yes, my heel issue is a very literal application of this quote, but let's try to expand shall we?

Have you ever felt that you should hide your talent because of those around you? It sounds like a silly suggestion, but I know there are those out there who understand. Maybe you were the smartest in class and the other kids teased you until you got B's like the rest of them. Perhaps there was an opportunity for promotion, but you didn't take the initiative to apply for it. Or maybe you were given an opportunity to really go for your dreams, but you hesitated. Why do we do this? Everyone thinks people fear failure, but as Marianne points out, success is scary too. "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

Most people don't want to be picked out of a crowd or have the spotlight shine on them-they'd rather just blend in. Anyone who knows me knows I'm not one of these people, but that doesn't mean I haven't hesitated once or twice before. Success doesn't just mean better pay or your picture in the paper, it means attention and with that attention, responsibility. Once you reach a level of success you're expected to maintain that success, what happens when you're knocked off the pedestal?

This question is strong enough to make even the social butterfly that I am, question how bad I want that success. In the end, I convince myself to go for it; direct like a crazy person, apply to that internship, wear my heels! Because the only way to conquer this fear is to go for it.

The point of my rant: Find success and show off your talents because, "as we let our light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Wearing heels is just one little way I refuse to 'play small', what's yours?

The Drumroll of 21

    I turned 21 at the end of July so I thought it was time to pass on some wisdom I've gained since that day (which is ironic because I've actually lost my wisdom teeth since then - but that's its own blog post). Anyways, here is my infinite insight on the subject:

 

   You turn 16 and you're ecstatic because you can get your license, you can drive a car - you think you've finally achieved freedom. I say think because let's face it, you're still living under your parent's house so yes you can drive away....but you have to drive back.

 

    Then you turn 18 and you strut around the next month because now you're legally an 'adult.' You graduate high school, maybe you cast your first official vote, buy a lottery ticket and feel the thrill of wasting your money - but it was worth it because it was Yours! For some, 18 is when the real world kicks in and you've now got to find your life path. I decided to postpone the inevitable (an expensive endeavor) with college. For me, 18 was still just a sample of what true independence is.

 

    But now I'm 21. This is the age I'm going to graduate. This is the age I'm going to have true independence and freedom that everyone complains about wanting in high school, though now I can't remember why we were so eager for bills and long work hours.

 

   For me, these ages are like chapters in a book and Chapter 21 has a cliff hanger ending. Up until now I've always known what would come next, after 16 I continue high school till I graduate, then I turn 18 and I got to college. Now I'm 21 and I'm going to get a degree...and then what? There's no reading ahead in life. The only way to know who I'll be at 22 is to look back at the past 21 years. Like reading a mystery novel; there are clues all through the story, but you may not realize their significance until you get to the end (this is why I usually read mysteries twice).

 

   I'm extremely excited for my senior year of college and plan to enjoy ever minute of it, because I know what awaits me on the other side of my education. I don't plan to live in fear of this cliff-hanger ending, but instead in preparation of it.

 

  For all those who are dealing with the same excitement, anxiety, fear, joy, confusion, clarity, and all out giddiness of being 21 I say congratulations. Soak it in! Never again will you be on the precipice of independence - amidst the drumroll. Enjoy it while it lasts! Come summer it'll be time to jump in and hope you can swim (I'd settle for floating).